got a little better today

two years ago or so I found the instructive value of eating doritios. They taught me to pay attention to the position of food in my mouth as I'm eating it, and to notice the boundary at which I lose the individual pieces. Today I picked up a plate of meal remains I would never have chosen myself - a tortilla that had formerly housed a breakfast burrito, hashbrown nuggets with cheddar cheese, fragments of 2 scones, one cranberry, one plain, salsa, and some tiny bits of wet-ish bacon. the tastes were sort of rubbing on each other, and I started making more rubs, pickgin up salsa with the plain scone. Eating this I thought of Buddhist monks who before eating whatever is given them, mix all their gifts together, and tried it too. I'd always thought of the monk's practice as a sort of sense-mortification, to learn to not care somehow, but it had a quite different function for me. I was very much in my senses, and checking out the whole landscape of possibilities evenly. It could be also a monk's goal here too. I'm happy that at least that prescription of theirs might only be the physical injunction with the theoretic support removed for us to use as best we can. It's a new view of pedagogy I've had just recently. prior I've always been stuck on the theoretic aspect almost exclusively, being bored with reality somehow, or trying to skip it-- which is the most nonsensical behavior I can imagine now.

Yesterday I was watching some ants, very briefly, and thought oh, it's strange that I think I know that all worker ants are female, something unverifiable by watching, but that I don't know many other more fascinating (to me (the all female workers thing doesn't even mean anything!) ) and harder to codify things that I'd notice first if I'd just watch the ants. so I really don't know ANYTHING. so my education starts now as fast as I can start being how I want.